I Saw a Meme…
The other day I was doing something I don’t do much of these days…
I was scrolling Facebook.
As one does on social media, you see a lot of memes that people post. In these times many are most often political. This particular one was speaking about standing up and speaking out, “living in fear for others”.
Living in fear for others? Not only does it means the writer already lives in fear for themself, but they are manifesting that fear continue to follow them by saying they are going to live in fear for others.
Through this life of mine, I have learned that our minds are very powerful tools to help us grow. Our thoughts that we think in our minds shape our outward reality. The places we go, the people we are around, the things we watch, the food we eat…all of it contributes to our overall wellbeing and health. We are what we consume.
Every single thing in the universe, including all people, emits and receives energy.
Have you ever walked into a room and you made eye contact with someone that made you feel very off and slightly sick to the stomach? You couldn’t figure out why, but you felt the need to steer clear of that person? That person’s energy didn’t align with yours and that was your gut telling you “no thanks, keep walking”.
I’ve heard that our guts are like our second brain. And for me, I’ve learned to use it as my first.
In 13 years of having PTSD, I’ve done a deep dive on getting to know my emotions, what each of them means, where they derived from, and how to manage each one. With this, I’ve learned that you don’t have to live everyday stuck in the big emotions of Fear, Blame, Shame, Guilt, and many more. Those emotions are what society expects you to live in constantly, in order to be accepted by the majority.
From My observance of our country as a whole, the ‘majority’ of people are absolutely miserable in every way.
As a whole, Our people hate their jobs.
Our people despise their spouses. Our people hate their healthcare. Our people hate their neighbors. Our people hate their kids. Our people hate their lives. Our people have spent so many years building this hated life because that’s what they were told they were meant to do. Build a life you hate in order to fit in because that’s considered ‘normal’.
I know this because I’ve been there.
Those emotions of anxiety, fear, dread, anger, resentment, sadness, judgement, disdain, loathing… and so many more were my every day mindset.
Looking back, every time someone made small talk, when I responded it was a subtle complaint to relate to someone else’s pain.
Them- “Did you see the weather today? It’s crap.”
Me-“ yeah, I’m not going to get done what I needed to do, so now I’ll be really behind.”
Them -“oh I know, I’ve got a long to-do list. Too. Plus, I need to lose this weight I put on for the holidays.”
Me-“right? I feel so fat these days. My clothes are tight.”
Them-“ugh, I hate shopping for myself. I hate the way I look in the mirror. My husband won’t even look at me…”
…and the negativity rabbit hole goes on and on and on and on. Complaint after complaint. But when does it stop?
When we stop agreeing to it.
In managing my own emotions, I’ve learned that our emotions want to be seen, valid, and heard in order to be accepted and let go.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
We had just moved into our vintage Bus Blue Betty, after spending four months remodeling her. It was March of 2020 and the world had shut down. We’d moved our 1983 Eagle Model 10 Bus over to my In-Laws farm in Dover, Florida, putting our house on the market to sell.
We weren’t exactly sure what we would be getting in to with so much uncertainty out there, we decided to live in our newly finished bus while staying on their farm until we felt it was safe to venture out.
While in quarantine like many others, we were bored. When you’re bored, you can sometimes gravitate to choosing food to fill that feeling of boredom. Which is exactly what we did, and a lot of it.
Coming into the buslife, our marriage was struggling big time and our mental health was already fragile from losing our son Ethan in a car accident nine years prior. My 5’1” body was at 189 pounds, the only time I’d been heavier was when I was pregnant.
Walking down the hallway of our bus, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it stopped me in my tracks.
I genuinely looked at myself. Starting from my round face, down to my wide hips, and onto my small feet, wearing my black yoga pants and black oversized t-shirt to cover my body. My round face was hiding behind a full face of makeup, with my long blonde hair framing my piercing teal eyes.
My first reaction was always to shame my body and carry guilt for it looking the way it did. “Here it comes, right on time” I smirked, as a negative thought began to form and the resentment of my body started to grow.
Just then, I was startled by something inside my gut whispering “no.”
The thought tried to come in again and my gut’s “No” grew more steady. With the thought trying again to come in, My gut then added “this body is beautiful”.
“Beautiful?” I questioned.
My gut’s next response was clear, “this body has birthed you four beautiful babies. This body has taken you to so many incredible places. This body gives you life. This body loves you. Love your body back.”
It wasn’t until til many years later that I realized just how important this juncture in time was for me. It sparked me loving my body right where it was, in that very moment. To do that, I needed to manage my own emotions around my body image and tear down every societal norm about beauty that I’d been taught.
Easy, right?
In the moment, it certainly didn’t begin easy. However, over time I found that the negativity completely stopped and I was nothing but loving to my entire body. As a matter of fact, I haven’t said one negative thing about my body since that day over five years ago.
How did I do it? I reframed my mindset.
Whenever a negative thought would try to come in, I would replace it with its opposite. If I was going to give myself the worst case scenario, resulting in the heaviest of emotions; I at least owed it to me to give myself the best case scenario with the lightest and brightest of emotions too.
I’d like to note, this doesn’t mean we perpetuate “toxic positivity”, where we sweep all the negative emotions under a rug and pretend they don’t exist. That leads to an entirely different blog post about avoidance…
Every single one of our emotions deserves to be seen, valid and heard. By giving myself not only the negative, but the positive as well, I’m able to come back to balance knowing that both exist and both are okay. I know that my reality is in between them, living in balance.
When I’m balanced, I am able to realize that my body continues to do amazing things every day for me. I love my body back by making healthy choices for it. Like to not eat when I’m bored. Instead, I drink a glass of water and move my body. By me loving my body, my body thanks me by naturally shedding excess stored fat that I don’t need anymore. I feel clearer and lighter with every passing day that I keep choosing to love my body.
I accept that wherever I am is simply where I am. If I want to change, I know I can make aligned and loving choices in each moment to grow where I want to go. I can then let the feeling of being stuck go, knowing I can shape my own reality through the choices I make.
The fear of what people were going to think about me, my body size, shape, what I wore, and everything in between, went away too. I knew that I loved my body and who I am, they didn’t live in my life or walk in my shoes.
Loving myself made fear dissipate.
The biggest surprise was when I recognized that because I don’t place judgement on my own body, I don’t put it on others anymore either. Their bodies take them to pretty amazing places too and I’m grateful for everyone’s body doing what they do for us.
But, now that our country has given ourselves the worst case scenario, maybe it’s time we give it the best?
What would it look like if we each individually balanced out the fear in our lives, with love?
Maybe it looks like taking a day to volunteer at a women’s shelter. It could possibly look like giving the elderly some company in the nursing home on a Saturday afternoon. What if you have some extra money that month and you leave a gift card at your local pharmacy for them to give to someone who can’t afford their prescriptions?
Nobody is coming to save us. Not the government. Not a higher power. This one is on us. We have to accept that this is where we are at and We have to choose to save ourselves, then can we help save others.
Fear will not save us, fear will only enslave us.
Fear keeps us planted right where we are in the heavy emotions of blame, shame, guilt, anger, sadness, and many others. Fear is used as a tool for control. When you’re taught that fear is the only way, you lose sight of the balanced picture.
When you live in balance, you know there’s no one way to climb the mountain of life. The only one doing it wrong is the one running around telling others how they aren’t doing it right.
What if we all begin to love ourselves? Would that lead to then us inspiring others to love themselves too?
What would it feel like if you lived in balance every day? Would your reality look different than it does now?
These lessons of learning to live in balance begin when you look in the mirror and reflect on who you truly want to be.
🫶jenn
P.S. when given a choice between fearing for people or loving for them, I will always choose love.
P.P.S. You thoughts are not yours until you agree to them.
P.P.P.S. I am so proud of how far you’ve grown.
I love you so much and I’m grateful you spent some of your precious time with me today in my inner world. I hope your day is just as beautiful as you are.